carmieeleetah

http://reddotmagic.com/cyril-simply-magic/

hey guys, if you are interested in magic, check this out! (:

well, today marks (somewhat) the end of the mid-sem break. and much as i would like to announce that it has been a productive one, sadly, it is not.

i spent the whole of last week being sick- sick enough to 1.crawl into bed at 8pm; 2.go see a doctor and get a week's load of antibiotics and 3. to be still coughing right now.

so in lieu of that, the pile of work has not moved a single bit. i'm so screwed!

but just a few interesting things that happened.

1. on the fieldtrip to bintan, while i was feeling particularly listless, it was comforting (?) to hear the song 'still' playing in the car while we traveled from one spot to another. made me think about life, religion, faith. plus the fact that it was nice weather, good company, fresh air helped clear my mind too.

2. went to the national museum with political geog class where we met simon's family. great kids! had fun. BUT! i had to have a fall at the busstop after lunch. for the actual story, ask me personally. the hand is feeling too sore to type it all down.

3. i have to get down to work. f it.
 

the thing about looking too deep within yourself for answers? it actually works. before the mind/heart/soul (whatever it is) steps in to distract your thoughts and lead you to somewhere where you feel more comfortable, and safe. and the unresolved question and issue fades, once again, away to the recesses of your subconscious.

that's all for now. will edit when i can phrase thoughts coherently

/edited

met r for a talk late on wednesday. as we sat on the steps on the overhead bridge, talking about stuff till late in the night. for a while, i felt as though i was back in loughborough, sitting in the middle of the pavement, looking at the stars.

i managed to voice out some of my thoughts that night. i faced the facts that i have a tendency to push away people that i really like. it's hard realising that you are not as strong as you think you are. i'm keeping faith that everything will be ok in the end althought its not an easy thing to do.

i heard some news. and i'm happy, tinged with a little- i dont know- disappointment?

i guess i expected more from you.

stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

the thing is, i dont see. and in recent times, i've woken up to the reality that life really just isn't fair. and in some weird way, my usual moral conscience is not working and i'm finding it increasing easier to live with the unfairness of the system and world- something i use to struggle vehemently against.

on another note, the conversation with the roomie the other night, where she exclaimed in all seriousness, was rather sweet.

"roomie, you're not difficult to love. whoever told you that, including yourself, is an idiot"

there you go, my roomie thinks i'm very lovable. (maybe that''s why she loves me so much!)

i have seen, for myself, what devotion and unconditional love look it.
i have stared straight into the eyes of duty and obligation.
i am now friends with selflessness; partners with frustration.

i'm learning to live with patience.
grow in hope; bargain with God.
in hopes that i have the survivor streak in me,
learning to cope with the curveballs that life throws.

that eventually, i become a more loving person.

truly, its hard to thank God, the universe, the supreme being (whatever you call it) for the many trials and tribulations that seem to unfold in our lives. i've tried coping with it, whining about it and nothing seems to help. It is only after the whining stage that the brain seems to understand and enter a whole new frame of mind. i'm seeing things (or at least trying desperately) with new glasses, forced to learn things that i have always wanted but have put off too long. someone once told me that God doesnt give us directly what we want, but gives us opportunities to get it/there ourselves.


while i'm growing up, there is a part of me that still wants to regress back to being a child.

i love watching the lake house. and in some very weird way, the movie will always remain dear to me. i love the lines kate sprouted in the pub, and for that, i shall embed the youtube clip for you guys to watch it.

btw, the whole movie can be found on youtube. (:

the thing with being a tuition teacher, is the frustration that comes along as part of the job. whenever your kid doesn't perform to the best of his/her abilities, you feel the urge to take over and do his/her exams for him/her. when i see them despairing when the workload gets too difficult, i wish there was something that i can give to them to make them see the bigger picture, where life is more than just those 6 years in primary school, or the 4 years in secondary. where you life truly is a journey of going into the unknown, where you can be anyone you want. at their age, the world should be their oyster and anything is possible.

in our educational system, perhaps we have failed to teach our students that there is an intrinsic value in mere existence and being. of taking time out to become one with our surroundings; to nurture our thoughts to image beyond textbook knowledge; to realise that who i am now, will be different from who i will become; that failure now does not mean failure in the future.

my favourite moments teaching them, are not the times when they score full marks for their spellings, or finish all the homework that i set out for them but them times when they truly enjoy the learning process, when they discover for themselves the little gems of knowledge, find the system in which essays should be structured into; how maths problems are solved and that they themselves are capable of great work. i'll always hold dear, what happens after each lesson. As i walk home, i'll always hear shouts of "byebye lao shi! lao shi byebye!" from the window where the kids are looking down and waving to me. it can be rather paiseh, but i still love them for their cute-ness and innocence.

it's not imparting knowledge that matters, but being present in their lives.